helioscentrifuge:

runtime-err0r:

itsvondell:

you can take one man’s trash to another man’s treasure but you can’t make it drink

Fun fact: the blending of idioms or cliches is called a malaphor.

My personal favorite is “We’ll burn that bridge when we get to it.”

I looked it up b/c that was a very familiar idiom and how could it be wrong but then

image

yeah wow that’s spot on perfect

aeon-fux:

exanbu:

jackanthonyfernandez:

emes:

radioheadofficial:

liftingdrifter:

BOW DOWN TO THE LOBSTER LIFTING QUEEN

idk about yesterday’s total. Maybe like $150 with the 5 pairs of earrings?

Yeah I lifted a vibe from spencers too. A label on the side said there was a security device enclosed. That was a lie.

what the FUCK this bitch stole LOBSTERS that’s some real next level shit

loling about

1. stealing lobsters

2. making stealing lobsters part of your personal brand

I love everything about this

White people need Jesus

white people will literally steal any and everything and yet black people are the ones that get followed around in stores. As a black woman I have been used without my knowledge or consent as a decoy for white “friends” who shoplifted KNOWING I was the one being followed. Lmao this shit makes me so mad, if you support it/don’t see how white privilege plays into shoplifting we aren’t friends and I truly mean that 

mmolio:

funkocide:

sansaofhousestark:

asexual sirens getting real fuckin pissed about all these sailors interrupting choir rehearsal

sirens are already asexual they dont have sex with the men they kill them

well no wonder they kill them they keep interrupting choir rehearsal

charlibal:

Having an Idris moment…..

Wet Dream Material

starksterr:

lockedoutofheaven:

image

And he’s all of the above.

lady gaga ≡ released songs

(Source: whiteteethteens)

blackout-escapist:

bagmilk:

*concerned white parent voice* sweetie don’t write on yourself you can get ink poisoning

image

(Source: heteroh)

upallnightogetloki:

crunchbuttsteak:

have you ever known somebody so shitty they completely ruin that first name for you?

The worst is when it’s a ridiculously common name.

fuks:

thinking about space fucks me up 

twerk-for-jagk:

tomthebluellama:

hellarat:

madmaninachair:

Do you ever memorize a person’s voice? Like you can construct a sentence in your mind that that person’s never said, and yet you hear them say it.

Is that a thing people can do?????????

yea 

I always do this during tests and im like ” ya i think my teacher said this” when they really didnt. it fucks me up.

leviisacutelittleshit:

colourfulpantsandarainbowhat:

beggars-opera:

colourfulpantsandarainbowhat:

WHY DO PEOPLE CALL IT FUCK, MARRY, KILL WHEN THEY COULD CALL IT BED, WED, BEHEAD

easy there henry

whos henry what thef uck?

*faint laughter from Britian*